Out of the Box

A little peek into “VERBAL EMESIS” Do to be released this APRIL ~2011~

Out of the box

WE LIVE IN BOXES AND WERE NOT HOMELESS!! wtf.. what happened to REAL LIFE.. no wonder the world is so depressed and anchored down by pills and narcotics. No one knows how to enjoy a walk or breathing in fresh air… no one sees the beauty in sunrises and sun sets anymore.. DONT THEY KNOW THESE ARE THE CERTAINTIES IN LIFE.. we pin our hopes on such trivial matters like if were going to have steak instead of hamburger, or whether or not this is the right choise or if that is.. all the while we could be enjoying the CERTAINTIES and sharing them with the ones we love. 

Technology has us fornicating with double clicks and buttons that make our 3 dimensional selves walk or run. Why can’t we GO DO SOMETHING? Take the kids to the beach? Go for a walk just to enjoy the air? Use our limbs for purposes given instead of sitting on your asses making our fingers strong and our wrists bad. What good is hand-eye coordination if you don’t utilize it in any other way then to point and shoot or punch the buttons. Why.. are we not having this conversation IN PERSON.. instead of through this technological black hole that exists between everyone. ??? (besides in person I don’t have to show that I cant spell worth a damn… LOL. 

I hear sunlight stimulates our brain and can make us happy. Yet we sit in dark corners peering into screens that flash and trick our brains into thinking and feeling emotions that aren’t there. Feelings of sadness when there is no reason, feeling anger when there is no reason. AND I GOT PILLS ! I don’t need pills I need the SUN. I need human interaction. I need to stimulate my mind and open my ears. and shut my mouth. 

Yet here I am, sitting behind a man with a virtual gun, who steals people’s flags, and curses at people he will never meet, verbally emesising my discord with his box, stuck in my own, without human interaction.


Living Guide for 2011

I have had some seriously bad days going on so far in 2011. The year has definitely not been on my top ten favorite years so far. I know im not the only one to feel that wrath of 2011, as I have watched it reek havoc on the hearts of many of my friends and family alike. Death after death, loss after loss, burden after burden, heart ache after heartache…. Then today amid my afternoon homework, I came across this “LIVING GUIDE” posted on a page for a SOAP notes page I was looking at for some ideas on my project in medical terminology. It was actually rather nice… So I’m going to share it with you.




1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow ON trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured IN plants..
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy.
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2010 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep at least 7 hours.
10.Take a 10-30 minute walk daily.  And while you walk, smile.

11. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don’t have negative thoughts on things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don’t over do.  Keep your limits.
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously.  No one else does.
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time.  You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past.  Don’t remind your partner of his/her mistakes in the past, that will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.  Don’t hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.  Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don’t have to win every argument.  Agree to disagree…

25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70, and under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick.  Your friends will.  Stay in touch.

32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful, or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything. (or whom ever you pray too, or call your higher power)
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.
37. The best is yet to come…
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it. (or whom ever you pray too, or call your higher power)

39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy. 

40. Share something inspiring with your friends and family! (as you can see, I have just done this!)

February’s Misery (again)

In the fleeting-ness of my dreams I hear their voices; Clear as bells, young and rejoicing.  Their skin is vibrant and their eyes shine. They have no worries, no ailments, no broken spirits, or missing limbs. They are complete. And my heart breaks selfishly as I miss their raspy laughs, their streaks of grey, and scar tissues protruding. Their roundness, their smell of cherry cigars fallen stale on old pocketed t-shirts full of holes and stains of motor oil. The smell of aspercreme and chicken and biscuits boiling in the stock pot whilst filling the room with odoriferous emanations of the divine dinners they could cook, eat with us, or share. I want to be near them, holding their hands, hearing them laugh in my ear, smell their smells, but the morning brings not only the light of their absence, but the worries of another day, the disappointment that is found around every corner, and their laughter falls to dust, being kicked up by speeding cars, in a rush to go no where that matters, to please no one that cares. Off to be a robot, in the mechanical world of fake smiles, unappreciative bosses, and distracted spouses with children who would rather be someplace – anyplace but home. Family much to far away, friends at distances that a mere hug is unobtainable… and I… here… weary, a pack of reds, a glass of rum, and my verbal emesis to console me. Dreams unheard, words unsung, motionless but for this pen… and the stinging tears that I forbid to fall.  (February 12, 2011 – 1 month gone, Papa, I love you…) Happy Birthday to me (February 13, 1990-2011… I miss you Uncle Merle). Happy Valentines Day to you all, Gram, Sam, Garrett, and all my loves above.


Dear Lord and Lady of Creation;

I stand before you in this dark time,
And entrust to your great care my light –
Behold My Grandfather, Lyle Perry, whose smile was brighter than the sun,
Whose delight was in things both great and small,
Who loved completely, and was loved completely.
Whose life will be taken much to soon 

I pray you welcome him into the Summerland,
And that he might rest in your great house.
I pray you will keep his smile bright while he is away from his family here on earth,
That one day we may be together again.
I pray you keep my family strong and patient in this time of great darkness,
And grant us the strength to live without him when the time has come for him to venture home.      As I’m sure he would bid us all to smile.
Grant us all the strength celebrate the life he had,
For there are many who love him,
And many shall speak his name with fondness.

My Lord and Lady,

I ask you to from my heart to offer comfort in many forms
Comfort to my family and to my Grandfathers Friends which he loves undoubtedly.
Bless him, in his time of suffering and bless our family who suffer with him and all those close to him and our family.

Guide us through this darkness and –
Bless us for our Anger, for it is a sign of Rising Energy.
remind us to direct it not at our family, and waste not on our enemy.
But Transform the energy into Versatility so it will bring  prosperity.

Bless us for the times we see evil.
Evil is energy mishandled and it feeds on our support.
Feed it not and it will self destruct. Shed light and it will cease to be.

Bless us for our jealousy, for it is a sign of empathy.
remind us to Direct it not at family. Direct it not at  friends.
but instead Transform the energy to Admiration, and what you admire will become a
part of your life.

help us to Count our blessings everyday for they are the protection which stands
between us and what we wish not.

Count our curses for us, so that we will not be a wall which stands between us  and what we wish.

I will it to be so, with my heart open, my ears willing and my shoulders strong

Blessed Be ♥∞♥

(sorry Gramma, I had to get it out)


(Seasonal Affective Disorder)Also known as SAD is a mental disorder from which I suffer yearly. I use to think I was just weak-minded, and couldn’t get past the many great losses I have come to endure over the years. Although I have; over the years, Done my very best to curb my raging verbal emesis during this period of time, stuffing all my feelings and emotions inside myself, so not to effect the ones I love, it’s not so easy. Hearing a song can put me on my knees in uncontrollable tears for the intense overwhelming distress I feel inside. Sometimes I think I have survivors guilt. I have not been the most morally focused person over the years, especially when I was young, but still at the age of 30, I wonder what the higher powers were thinking when they took such wonderful souls to the Summerland and left me here to climb wall after wall to get to my next obstacle in life.

The trial and tribulations that I have watched my family endure and hurdle with ease leave me wondering where they gain such strength. Is making my own way my down fall? Should I walk the same straight line as everyone else? I don’t see how that would matter in the end.

This year, The dark season began early for me. Being unable to be with my family and close friends on the holiday’s has made me feel trapped, and alone. I know I am not trapped, and I am far from alone, however, being so far from the ones that love me unconditionally, and care for me regardless of my past errors, and who love me for me, flaws and all, Hurts more than being stabbed in the face with a dull knife so hard that it rips the skin and nearly un-fixable. Of course, I have never been stabbed in the face but I can imagine that having it done with a dull knife would be much more painful than a sharp one.

For so many years, I went off and did my own thing. I still do that now, but I try to make it a point to be with my family over holidays, call my grandmother, mother and brothers and sisters as often as I can without feeling like I’m a family stalker. I just don’t want to ever feel like I havent said I love you enough, Or be able to show them the appreciation that they all deserve. I never really said goodbye to Uncle Merle, Sammy, or Gramma Hazel. It’s a regret I carry deep inside of me.

My friends, They are much like my family. All far away from me, but so close in heart. I can’t see them, or hug them, or cry on their shoulders. I can’t go over for dinner, Drop in just because I was thinking about them, or watch the Steelers game over a round of wings and Bacardi. I miss them all so much. So it’s hard for me to be here, so far away, and watch everyone else pick up the phone and have everyone they love here in a matter of moments. Just a whistle or a nod, and all their friends and family are standing in arms reach. It’s hard, because I rarely get to do this. And understanding seems to be lacking. After all, How can one understand if they have never had to be so far away. I guess I don’t have to be… so far away from my loves, but as it stands, My Love… would never leave his loves. (so understandable) So, I will sacrifice and feel the infliction of the distance, so that he can have his. I guess that’s love. And what is love without a little bit of misery?

All Of This Past

Out with the old, in with the new! (Yes, I realize its not quite the New Year but who said we couldn’t start early?) As most of you may be aware, my previous Blog has been disabled. This is not for any other reason than I rarely visit “MySpace” unless it is to post a status; which we all know can be done with the push of a button from other social networks now. Although I have kept the MySpace account opened, this is currently where I will share my thoughts and feelings, and of course, any updates on my future book publications.

Speaking of “out with the old in with the new” I wanted to let everyone know that due to some recent happenings, I have been writing some new material, which will be added to my next book. (Verbal Emesis)

I have been fighting with the demons in my head, trying to find my way. Sometimes my feelings get in the way of what I know is the right choice and I end up hurting myself over and over again. I know that somehow, this all could be avoided if I just stick to my guns and move on. I know that the “idea” of love (be it friendly or otherwise) can be hard to unveil.  Feelings and logic rarely run parallel, and especially when we are young, our feelings easily overshadow our logic and cause us undue pain and confusion. As a grown woman, I have come to find this to be so, passions run much deeper in adolescence and if not given the proper care can fatally inflict a young heart.

I’ve always been an overly passionate person, so trying to find my logical mind is definitely a new concept for me. But with the help of some very dear friends, paper, and a pen, I am sure to find my way.  Again, Thank you all for your love and support.

Blessed Be,

❤ Amber

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